Yesterday I took The Boy for his first haircut. The Husband was working and I had to handle The Boy's first cut solo. (The haircut is a whole other post - wait for it, it's coming soon.) Anyway the woman who cut his hair was really great, very patient. A mother of 5 kids she said to me: You must be really strong. I don't think I could handle it.
It wasn't the first time any one's called me strong or brave. I've even been called a "hero" and being referenced as any one's "hero" makes me uncomfortable. Because I really don't consider myself to be any of these things.
I have moments where I completely lose it. Where I lay on my sofa and cry. And it's the ugly uncontrollable cry when I feel like I can't breathe, snot is dripping from my nose and all the tissues in the box aren't enough. I have moments when I want to throw the phone across the room because I'm tired of making phone calls or leaving voice mails. Moments when I wish that things weren't so difficult. Moments when I'm exhausted, frustrated and far from strong.
However, these are just moments and they really don't make me a wimp. They make me human. I'd be a wimp if I stayed on the sofa crying or if I threw the phone across the room and never made another phone call. I keep on keeping on. Because when it truly matters, I let go of my inner wimp long enough to get what needs to be done, done. Not because I'm this incredibly strong person or super heroine. Not because I have to. Not even because it's what a mom is supposed to do. I do it because I want to.So I will proudly claim my wimp crown about everything else but when it comes to The Boy - I will and can do absolutely anything.
Absolutely right! I couldn't have said it better myself. People always say these great things about me, but really, I am not perfect and I have my moments of frustration! But in the end, we persevere and do what needs to be done for our kids! You're doing a good job Lisa; hang in there!
ReplyDeleteThanks Margie! It seemed so strange that this mom of like 5 kids is calling me strong. It's amazing the things people can do when they have no other choice...
ReplyDeleteYou're doing a good job too :)
Great post! :)
ReplyDeleteI totally agree! I have wondered if I would as strong as I am now if my son didn't have autism, but I guess that I will never know...
ReplyDeleteGreat post, How did you know what's going on at my house? Three days of calls with no returns and two no shows from ABA provider....but I keep going, and I'll call them again in the morning.....because it matters to my little guy. Only posting anonymous because I don't have extra energy to set up a new acct!! Jensworld
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